Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
