i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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