I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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