planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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