Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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