I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
