I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
