they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
