When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
