I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
