The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
