I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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