does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
