it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
