why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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