he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
