I don't usually arrange sex via text message
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
