dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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