There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
