mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
