Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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