Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize