Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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