Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
