My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
