I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
