I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
