My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
