so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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