I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
