i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
