she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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