The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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