home. puking in laundry basket.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
