using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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