So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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