omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
