now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
