Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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