I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
