he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
