can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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