is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're like the curious george of whores
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize