so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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