ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
