I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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