I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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