Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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