I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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