Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize