Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
