He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
