And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
