I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
