I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
