My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
