Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize