Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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