Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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