I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
