I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
