The maid of honor just puked.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
