She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
