i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is classic penis vs brain.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
