would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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