why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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