His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
