if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What a dumb baby whore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
