I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
