Kiss
Puke
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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