I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize