maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
