Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
