and my herpes radar will keep us safe
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
